Eulogizing Those Orange Clad Losers

The Philadelphia Flyers are serial losers. This season they will miss the playoffs for the fifth time in the last nine years. They have only won one playoff series since 2012. These guys stink, let me count the ways.

Chuck Fletcher - I can’t believe the guy who paid Parise and Suter a billion dollars into their late 30's wasn’t the savior Flyers fans pegged him to be. Just like I'm shocked Kevin Hayes and Erik Gustafsson weren’t the right signings to put this team over the top.

David Scott - My favorite quote of the year so far is Scott saying last week that “I think we’re closer than our record shows.” If you look up the definition of insanity, I'm pretty sure it's just a picture of Scott's face. Flyers brass has been saying that exact same thing since 2013, yet *checks notes* have not come anywhere close to being a contender since 2010. “We took a big step back. And I can’t stop thinking about our fan base.” I can't stop thinking about them either, David, but just in the sense that I can’t stop laughing at them. God bless Comcast, I hope they own the Flyers forever.

Claude Giroux - Clode has never won a playoff series as Flyers captain outside of the covid bubble. People don’t forget. Giroux has been the Flyers captain for 9 years - the Flyers have made the playoffs 4 times, and won a playoff series just once. After this season officially ends, the Flyers will have made the playoffs less than 50% of the time under his captaincy. A sad fall from grace for a once proud organization that used to have proper leadership.

Travis Konecny - What a trash slew foot on Bryan Rust last night. Obviously, Konecny is just jealous of Rust’s ability to show up in big games. I'd be perpetually pissed off too if I only had one goal in 22 career playoff games. I'd say TK has potential to become the NHL's new Rat King™️, but he isn't half as good as Marchand.

Shayne Ghostisbehere - Shayne (cool spelling dork) is the classic 'peaked in high school and college' guy. He was way cooler in his early 20’s than he is now, when he was winning Natties at Union. Now he’s just an overpaid accessory with a crappy neck beard. I met him once at a charity event in Philly in 2016 when I used to work there. Big jerk.

Jake Voracek - If Jake cared half as much about his game as he cares about dunking on Flyers beat writers, maybe the Flyers would actually be in the hunt like the Sixers.

Scott Hartnell - On the Flyers postgame show last night, Hartnell said "It's nice to see Crosby get a little angry at the Flyers. You're getting him off his game, even though he had a couple goals." Off his game, lmao. That's what you call three goals in two games? Crosby is now just two goals away from having the most goals against Philadelphia in NHL history. Hartnell and that entire organization should send him a Father's Day card later on this summer.

Scottie Upshaw - Wonder why this dink woke up with the Penguins on his mind? In Scottie's 1st NHL Season, the Flyers went 0-8 against the Penguins. His 2nd NHL Season? His Flyers lost to the Penguins in the Eastern Conference Final. And you'll never guess what happened in his third season in the NHL - the Flyers lost to the Penguins in the first round of the playoffs, as Pittsburgh went on to win the Stanley Cup. So yeah, I have no idea why this guy has an axe to grind with the Penguins.

Wesley Uhler is the host of Steelers Blitz, Noon-2 on Steelers Nation Radio, and The Afternoon Delight on ESPN Pittsburgh, 2-7pm. You can find him on Twitter @WesleyUhler.

(Photo Courtesy of Getty Images)

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